I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
