Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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