Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
