You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
