the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
