the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
