these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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