Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
