I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
