Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
