Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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