you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
