so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
