I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
