You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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