He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just gift wrapped bread.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
