Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
