Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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