I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
