Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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