Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
