dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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