Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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