I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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