Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
