ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
