i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A bitchslap is in order.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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