Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
