i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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