I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
