He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
