drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours