hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.