Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE