I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
