in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
