I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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