Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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