Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
