I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its not stalking. its research.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize