I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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