Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
third nipple confirmed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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