I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
