I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
