So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
