God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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