I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
