dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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