I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
