we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
