Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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