At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
