I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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