First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
