she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
