found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
