She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
third nipple confirmed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
