when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
