Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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