Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
