She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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