I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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