Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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