I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
