Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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