Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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