I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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