You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
