Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
