How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
