In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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