"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
