I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
