Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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