Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
