I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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