I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize