There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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