This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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