My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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