i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
