I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
