This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
