Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
